Can you be "too into dolls"?

I don't know. That's the current question in my household. When family members complain that they "can't even buy a Christmas gift for you,"and then accuse you of being "too into dolls," is there any truth in that? I'd like to looks at the facts.

1. Yes. It's very possible to be "too into" some hobbies. If you run out of space, time or money; if the dolls are really taking over your life to an extent that you don't do anything else (like bathe or sleep or socialize); if you neglect others in your family on a regular basis for your hobby; then yes. I suppose it is very well possible to be too into dolls or any hobby (or job, or television show, or sporting events, for that matter). But no, I don't fall into that category. In fact, all my dolls are currently on display. I still do most of the housekeeping and cooking for the family. And my children are not neglected. And if others are feeling neglected, well, it might be for reasons other than dolls; such as, lack of communication.
2. Is it difficult to buy gifts for people who have hobbies? Not at all. Usually, these people have wish lists, and regular stores from which they shop, and this is a simple way to buy gifts for them, which they will be sure to love. Now, I do understand that there are some people in this world who feel like they need to "better" other people, and assure that all members of their family are "well-rounded" and working up to their full "potential," a.k.a. being overly controlling. In that case, perhaps a gift involving a doll may not be their ideal gift idea for me. But I don't consider their controlling behavior (which I am sure is frustrating) to be my problem. I think it's annoying, but it isn't my problem to fix.
3. Is doll collecting, the way I do it, harmful to me or my family? I don't think so. I do need to especially watch my budget, but I think I'm doing well there, especially with my recent discovery of talking about it, sticking to my allowance, and also trading dolls. As far as edification, I've found that it actually increases my confidence in groups of people and making friends, as I'm not really very social, and doll meets and clubs are a fun and easy way to get involved with real people (not that you, dear reader, aren't a real person). I also have been learning a lot about photography, sewing, netiquette, writing and blogs. I think those are all great things to learn and great ways to foster my creativity. In that sense, I find doll collecting multi-faceted, interesting, a growth experience, and very fun.

So in short, no, you don't have to buy me dolls for Christmas. And no, I suppose you don't have to "approve" of my doll collection. But I'm an adult, and I can spend my time the way I like. It's an edifying outlet of my creativity, and I enjoy it. I can involve my daughters, and I can keep myself busy, thinking and creative. Plus, for me, it's a lot more fun than housekeeping. It's a great reward for it, in fact.

Opinions and assholes.

Lately, on some of the blogs I follow--and I read a lot of doll blogs online--I've noticed there has been yet even more issues about having opinions online.

The single post that caught my eye was this one. Keeping in mind that I tend to read blogs, not message boards, since message boards are usually full of shit like this, I am not at all familiar with the incident. You might be, and if you are, good for you.

But I don't plan to comment on the incident. I am planning to comment on dolls and having opinions about them, and writing a blog, and then commenting on message boards.

• If you have a doll blog, where you post reviews on dolls, you need to establish both your credibility and tone. How you decide to do this is 100% up to you, since it's your own damn blog and your own damn opinions.
• The fact is, controversial blogs have way more readers than non-controversial blogs. They just do.
• As a blogger, you want as much traffic as possible. If you offend readers, honestly, they don't have to read your blog.
• Once you decide on your tone, you have to stick to it. You can't really change that tone and style when you post to message boards. Why would you want to? You want more blog readers, and you want to maintain your credibility, right?
• And damnit, if they don't like your tone, they don't have to read your blog.
• Just like if you don't like a doll, don't fucking buy it.

There are many more opinions on the web than they are assholes. Though it's easier to act like an asshole online than it is in person. But a blogger isn't being an asshole if she says she doesn't like a particular doll or if she doesn't share your taste.

Why do people take this so damn personally? Just don't read the damn blog if it offends you. If a comment offends you, or appears to rain on your parade, just ignore it.

I, for one, appreciate honesty. Even in doll reviews. In fact, especially in doll reviews.

Used Doll Pet Peeves

I haven't been using this blog as much as I should. I think it would really help to post more frequently here. In fact, allow me to post a few of my least favorite secondary market pet peeves.

Let me start by saying how much I appreciate being able to buy dolls on the secondary market, and used dolls. I really like to be able to save a buck here and there. Plus, there are no doll stores in my area--the closest is about three hours from here, if there isn't any traffic. I do rely a lot on the web for doll sales, and those do come with an automatic buyer-beware listing. Still, there are some general rules I wish to which sellers would conform:

1. Non-smoking environments are non-smoking. It means, the owner of the doll doesn't smoke, the significant other doesn't smoke, and no one else in the household smokes. Not even just outside. If the doll is stored in a common area of a condo or apartment complex, where people might smoke, this is not a non-smoking environment. I'm sorry, but paper and cardboard absorbs cigarette smoke like crazy, and you can't get rid of it. So does polyester fabric. Do not sell your items as non-smoking if they aren't.
2. List your doll for sale in the correct condition. If your doll has never been removed from its box, say so. This is NRFB. If you've taken the doll out for pictures, your doll is unfortunately not a NRFB doll. It might be considered mint in the box (MIB), however. And list the actual condition of the doll in the listing (including whether your item is odorless, from a non-smoking home, etc.), so your buyer isn't disappointed.
3. Stains: Some buyers don't care about stains on a doll. For example, I have a friend who recently obtained a grail doll--Bewitched Sydney from the 2005 Tonner Halloween convention, I believe--and she had stains on her arms and legs from her black and purple outfit. Since my collector friend intended to keep her dressed in this original outfit, the stains were fine by her. So sellers, be honest about your doll's stains.
4. Pictures: Make a point to take good, clear, focused photos, in natural light or bright indoor light, of the actual doll you have for sale. Excuses such as, "My camera is broken," are very poor. Wait till your camera is fixed or borrow a friend's, and then sell your doll.
5. BJDs: Please list what condition the stringing of your doll is in when you sell your ball-jointed doll. Will she stand on her own, or is she loose or too kicky? Is there uneven yellowing on your doll? Resin yellows in most cases, but some will yellow unevenly. Are there dents or scratches in the doll?
6. Is your price firm or negotiable? If you're not listing on eBay, state if your price is negotiable or not. That will save us buyers some hassle.
7. Get back to your buyers in a timely manner. If you're going out of town, remove your for-sale listings temporarily, or issue an out-of-town notification on your email.
8. What are shipping costs? Include them in your listing. There isn't a reason not to include shipping. Weigh the package before you post the listing, so you're ready to answer any questions, or so the buyer can look up his or her own shipping cost before contacting you.
9. Where are you willing to ship? US only, or will you ship overseas? Which countries?
10. Finally, what types of payment will you accept? Do you accept layaway or trades? List that in your trades as well. If you require insurance, that would also be handy to know. Do you accept returns? What's your policy?

Listing doll-related for sale, and buying them online shouldn't be difficult. It should be easy and fun. One of the great things about doll collecting is that we can "upgrade"--trade up, down or across--if our tastes change as we collect. Why can't we collectors come up with a standard for listing pre-loved dolls for sale, to keep each other happy?

Dolls and Your Spouse

I'm not sure what the correlation between dolls and your significant other, but it seems to be a constant negotiation, as far as my collection goes. I've tried so hard to switch to cash only, layaway, and an allowance system, but I still seem to go over my allotted doll budget at times, dammit. It seems to always end up with me negotiating a little more with my spouse.

Ball-jointed dolls really take the cake for me. First, there are the limited edition, once-in-a-lifetime releases, that if you don't buy them when they are for sale from the manufacturer, you'll end up paying three or four times the original retail price. Worse, many manufacturers don't offer layaway options, so you have to put your purchases on a credit card. My weakness is Peak's Woods, and their limited edition tan dolls, The Glamour, just went on sale today. My first PW sculpt was a whites skin Sky, and at this point, I don't find it necessary to own more than one of a sculpt. But I have been wanting to add Briana to my collection for a while, and in tan? How could I resist?

This time, instead of my "it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission" approach, I actually sought out my spouse on the eve of their announcement. I showed him photos, how gorgeous they were, how wonderfully they'd fit in with my collection, and the increase in value of the Vampire Wedding and previous editions of PW tan Goldie dolls. The first response, of course, was, "Another doll? Don't you have enough dolls already?"

Disappointment. It's what deserve for taking the honest approach, I suppose. But fuck. What to do now? I couldn't very well sneak her into the budget, could I?

Once prices were listed, I was able to talk myself out of a gown (though man, do I ever covet that blue dress!), and was delighted to see the layaway option. Plus, my dear spouse went way over his allowance on a bike that is now sitting alone in the garage. Hooray! Another chance, perhaps? (I sound so manipulative, but I don't mean to be, really.)

Again, I sat down with him, and explained what was so special to me about the dolls. He was fairly harsh, as I had gone over budget already this year, which was forgiven a la Fashion Doll Review style, but I could see it was probably a mistake. But later, he sent an email, saying go ahead. And this morning, I put a tan Briana on layaway.

Why dolls? It isn't that I have to have more. I like to collect them, redress them, sand their seam lines and blush their bodies. I even tried a face-up. I love to play with them, take photos, redress them again, pose them in themes, see their beauty. I am surrounded by things I can't control in my life right now--the dolls, I can control them. It's a comfort and joy to me. A little piece of art and beauty in my life, that I can customize to make my own. Does that make sense?

The Limited Edition Doll.

OK, this one's been done to death. To buy it, or to leave it? Do you think it's snobby to buy a limited edition doll or not? Do your LE dolls have special value to you because of their very limited edition-edness?

I do actually own some of these lovely dolls. Or have at one time or another. I usually buy them because they are special versions of sculpts I already like, which is why I end up loving them. But I do not buy them to flash my cash, nor to show them off at doll meets. Except in necessary circumstances. And those do come up on occasion.

I owned at one time and needed to sell for a more coveted doll was La Belle Mademoiselle Sydney. She was just lovely. Let me see if I can find some photos of her somewhere... Historical dress is gorgeous, her facial screening is lovely--just a gorgeous doll. (Photo used with permission.)

What's great about having LEs on hand is that (especially in mint or NRFB condition), you almost always get at least what you've paid, if not more, for them. Even Tonner Dolls. It's pretty cool--especially in a market that currently trending downwards, at least in the fashion doll department.

However, I don't feel offended if a company makes a limited edition doll that is not appealing to me. In fact, then I don't feel like I have to buy it. Is it unusual for a collector to feel like she doesn't have to buy every single doll? I just can't understand why that would be annoying. Wanting every doll would be much worse, in my opinion.

Message Board Etiquette - the Flame War

If you're a doll collector, and you're reading this blog, you probably also subscribe to several message boards, Yahoo! groups or message forums. I'm sure you've at least seen (or possibly been involved in) flame wars, possibly even accidentally.

The accidental kind happened to me once, as a result of me posting a comment on a photo of mine, which I found insulting. I'm female, was in my PMS week, of course--the worst week to be reading negative-sounding comments on Flickr--and reposted it to a message board, griping about how it "hurt my feelings." Honestly, during PMS, everything hurts my feelings. Having to empty the litter boxes hurts my feelings. I shouldn't have posted the comment in the first place--in fact, I should mark the calendar and lock all doll message forums and Facebook during my PMS week. It just makes sense. Since everything totally blew up in my face. I didn't even know who posted the comment, but I soon found out. What a mess!

From my experience, the best way to stop a flame war is, really, eat crow right away. Even if you don't mean it, write a message or post that says you're sorry, you were mistaken, you were having a bad or mommy moment, and take it back. You took it out of comment. You were having a shitty day. Whatever you have to do. You apologize profusely. (Just do it.) And whatever you do, sound sincere. Don't try to have the last word, even if you feel like you still are right (if your goal is to stop the war).

If you know the board administrator, you may be able to get the message removed or locked, after your apology and the offended member's response is in place--or you can email both directly to the administrator and offended member--to put a stop to it all.

Why does it happen? Well, in the first place, it's so easy to be negative online because no one can see your face. So the negative comments fly. As a blog administrator, people leave negative comments at least three times more than positive ones (so discouraging!) because they can. Or maybe everyone who spends this much time on the internet is depressed and needs Prozac. It sure helped me.

Second, it's often hard to determine the tone of writing, especially for certain generations. Generation X-ers and younger have grown up with email, and use a very casual tone for email. They aren't like letters--they are like text messages, or post-it notes. We don't worry about grammar or anything else, for that matter. But older generations often don't realize the casual and glibness of replies on message boards and forums, and this can often seem very offensive.

And more often, writers often don't consider at all how their tone comes across. I honestly don't understand how a writer who writes, "I hate this doll," couldn't understand how an owner of that doll wouldn't be offended, but that's just me. Personally, I think there are many other ways to state what you like or dislike about a doll. And if no one asked you, well, do you have to comment? Like my mother always said, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

Also, if you've already stated you dislike this type of doll, must you restate it every time? I don't know, but it seems like we know you don't like it, but others do. You might consider skipping that post, rather than posting a comment as to how terrible you think the doll is.

Or better yet, drink some Southern Comfort and take a Xanax before checking the message boards. Or even better--stick to the cocktail and Xanax, and watch the latest True Blood instead!

Welcome!

Welcome to my new blog. You've read and subscribed to many doll blogs before. Possibly none like this one. This blog will be directly addressing the addictive nature of doll collecting, the things serious doll collectors do to obtain the dolls they want, and relationship issues within the doll community.

You may have had to click through to an adult-only section. That's not because of porn, but because of questionable language that may have to be used for descriptive purposes here.

I run several other blogs, and am generally known as a pretty nice doll collector (I hope) in my local community. However, every collector has to have a place to vent. Plus I've noticed negative blogs get a lot more readers than generally positive ones, so I give up. I'm caving, and posting all my negative comments here.

Please post yours, too. I do ask that you not post negative comments about other doll collectors by name (or other identification) on here. They will be deleted. I don't want to start flame wars here. You can do your own on message boards. Those are a pet peeve of mine. I think that might be my first topic, actually.